On Kobe Bryant

Trigger warning – discussion of sexual assault/rape

I grew up a baseball kid. I was a ride or die Cleveland Indians baseball fan. Jim Thome was my boy. I could name every man on the Tribe’s roster for several years in a row (mid-90s). I could name half the guys on every other team in the MLB. In the same time period, I could probably name, in total, a dozen basketball players, and that’s being generous. Kobe Bryant was on that list – as well as Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing (thanks Space Jam), and a few others. I had zero personal attachment to any of them. They were just basketball players to me. A lot of my classmates were basketball fans and idolized Kobe Bryant. I was attending school when it was cool to shout “Kobe!” and toss something into the trash can, basketball style.

Seeing all the coverage emerge regarding Kobe Bryant’s death is sad, but it doesn’t really affect me personally. I have no strong memories of watching him play or attending his games or anything like that. I am deeply saddened for his family, especially his wife and surviving children. I cannot even imagine what a devastating time this is for them. I also am deeply saddened for the other lives lost in this tragedy. Each of them left behind their own important legacy and I’m sad they are mentioned as afterthoughts in many of the articles.

When the news originally broke, I scrolled through Facebook seeing post after post on the subject. Some were simply sharing the breaking news article. Others shared poignant memories of watching Kobe play or how his basketball success influenced their lives. Then I saw a few who cheered the loss, stating there was one less rapist walking among us.

*record screech*

That certainly stopped me in my tracks. I had no memory of hearing about this so I quickly did some internet research. The basic gist is Kobe was accused of sexual assault and rape back in 2003 by a female working at a hotel where he was staying. She states it was rape and she did not consent. Kobe admitted there was a sexual encounter, but stated he believed it to be consensual and further believed she was capable of saying no during the act (I assume because she was not intoxicated or anything else). He was formally charged and the case moved forward, but was dropped right before trial because the victim refused to testify. She later filed a civil suit against him, seeking a significant amount of damages. The case was settled out of court and Kobe issued a formal apology to the victim for any pain he caused her.

Here’s where I’m struggling: I am a firm believer in believing women. If a woman says she was assaulted or raped or harassed, we should believe her. However, I also believe in the legal concept “innocent until proven guilty.” Kobe’s defense team was accused of dragging the victim’s name through the mud, which may have contributed to her decision not to testify. It’s also widely known that the victim came from a wealthy family, so money was not (should not) have been a motivator in her accusations (according to Kobe’s legal team).

How does one reconcile all of this? I believe women, so I believe she was assaulted. I also believe in innocent until proven guilty and Kobe was never found guilty. I also don’t think we should blindly take anyone’s word in this sort of situation. Kobe is not denying the two had sex, but he believed the encounter was consensual. He also believed she was capable of withdrawing consent since she was able to say no when he asked about performing a specific act. She sought medical attention shortly after the encounter and she was found to have bruises on her neck, indicative of choking/strangling. Kobe freely admitted he enjoyed this type of sexual act and, again, believed the victim consented to it. So this is really the most classic “he said/she said” situation. Granted, there could be a lot more to this case than what I’m reporting here. I believe there was also discussion about the extremely large, extremely expensive ring he gifted to his wife shortly after the encounter. I don’t think this makes it more or less likely he raped the victim, I think it just indicates his admission there was an adulterous sexual encounter (perhaps more than one, who knows).   

So what do we do? Kobe Bryant was an amazing basketball player who set and broke records, won championships, and inspired millions of children to pursue basketball as a sport. He was also a huge supporter of the WNBA and brought a lot of attention to the league. Many accounts show he was a wonderful father to his four daughters, especially Gianna, who was said to be a phenomenal basketball player and most likely to follow in her father’s footsteps. After retiring from the NBA, his business ventures really took off and he invested in numerous media, data, gaming, and technology brands, as well as sports brands. He also possessed talents in music and film, winning an Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film in 2018.

Does one accusation of sexual assault undermine all of that? How do we respect the victim and her experience while still respecting the life of Kobe Bryant? Do we erase all positive aspects of his life for one lapse in judgement? Was he perfect? No, absolutely not, but no one is.

Maybe we can find a happy medium in how we mourn complicated people like Kobe Bryant. We can acknowledge the shadow cast over his life and career in 2003, but we can also acknowledge Kobe for the amazing player and father he was.